The following includes some of my observations and experiences concerning the human spirit and mold. While other topics addressed in the mold guide have primarily focused on symptoms and patterns caused by mold toxicity, here we focus primarily on the experience or subjective aspects of this condition. As varied as the symptoms can be from mold toxins, the experience of mold can feel even more unique and isolated from within the illness, yet even here there are common patterns. Though you feel very alone, you are not alone in the spiritual effects of mold toxicity.
In caring for those who suffer from mold toxicity, one of the simplest descriptions that I can give is that it “dehumanizes”. I mean it dehumanizes by disrupting what it means to be human and to feel “well”. We have discussed the interference with normal physical and biochemical functions at length above. The dehumanizing aspect continues into a person’s heart and spirit, even altering their being and relating during the illness.
With difficulties in thinking due to neurologic changes, come difficulties in communicating or relating to others. You may feel like you can’t get your point across. Others may be frustrated that you often misunderstand them. The brain fog, emotions, and mood swings make communication touchy and sometimes heated. Then increased physical needs of the illness put stress on family and friends as they may have to take on responsibilities and duties that you cannot fulfill.
You may even struggle with your faith from both an intellectual and an emotional standpoint. Intellectually, you struggle to read Bible verses which might encourage you normally or struggle to understand sermons that would provide peace. Emotionally, you become distrustful due to anxiety or feel excessively lonely as no one- including yourself- “understand” your depression. Next you start blaming yourself or start feeling like God has abandoned you. You intellectually know that God is faithful in your head, but the feeling may not make it to your heart. Despair can set in as prayers feel unheard.
Ultimately, you may experience the loss of those things which had before provided safety and comfort. Relationships are strained. Church attendance becomes a challenge either physically or emotionally. Sometimes the church building is a source of mold exposure which is even harder to face. Guilt and shame grow. Your home which should be a haven may become a source of the problem and you may cry out with the Psalmist, “How long Oh Lord?”
As guides in the recovery process, we try to point patients back to hope. While we encourage them with the success stories of prior patients who overcame, we ultimately want to point them back to a heavenly Father who cares. Our focus during visits in terms of time is almost always on monitoring progress and adjusting therapies, but in small ways we want to continue encouragement in finding the ultimate restoration in God. Given the great time family spends with the patient, we also work to encourage the discouraged parents, spouses, and children of patients. The encouragement is for their well-being and for their continued emotional and spiritual support towards the suffering patient. Not only does the patient suffer, but those that love them also need our care.
And we pray as we work to release you from this dehumanizing force. We pray that God removes the toxins and the effects. We pray that God restores health and hope and life. And we keep pressing with you.